scriptAutistic — Masterpost: Meltdowns

https://scriptautistic.tumblr.com/post/156413299997/masterpost-meltdowns

One of the most obviously recognizable autistic traits are meltdowns. Stimming can often be done in subtle ways, allistic-type social skills can often be learned, but meltdowns are simply beyond control. Unfortunately, they’re frequently misunderstood and mishandled by others who don’t realize what they’re seeing.

As always, we want to emphasize that meltdowns are different for everyone. Some autistic people have regular meltdowns. Some experience them rarely or not at all. And they can be caused by different things and experienced differently by different people.

Meltdowns are caused by an overload in the brain. This can be sensory overload, extreme anxiety, emotional distress, or stress: basically, there is too much or something and the brain can’t cope. Whatever the cause, the brain is in a state where it can no longer handle further input.

Many autistic people, especially adults with a lifetime of experience, are able to recognize when they are getting overloaded and are headed for a meltdown. Some people are able to leave the situation which is causing their overload and give themselves time and space for their brains to “catch up” so they can calm down and avoid the meltdown. Sometimes, however, it’s not possible to leave a situation - and sometimes, it’s not clear to the person what is happening. For example, alexithymia might prevent them from being aware that they are getting overloaded. If the person remains in the overload-inducing situation, a meltdown can occur (The person can also experience a shutdown - we’ll get into this in a minute.). Sometimes the meltdown is also caused by internal reasons (anxiety, emotional distress) which can hardly be avoided.

Once in a meltdown, the person no longer has normal control over themselves. The brain goes into “fight or flight” mode. The brain perceives a threat - the cause of the sensory overload, or stress, or whatever people happen to be nearby when it happens. It can also be a vague sense of danger / pain that’s not directed at anything. Logic and reason go out the window, and the person is gripped by a tremendous sense of panic and danger. For some people, their brain is saying: YOU ARE NOT SAFE. YOU NEED TO GET AWAY. Picture a cornered prey animal preparing to fight for its life. That’s the state the brain is in.

The person will then react to the situation as though they are in extreme danger - even if they are logically aware that they are not. Common reactions include:

• They may physically run away, or try to run away.
• If they are unable to run away, they may try to hide: behind doors, under tables and chairs, behind curtains, anywhere that presents itself. (Mod Aira has been known to try to hide on the couch, under the cushions.)
• If approached by other people, they may respond as though they are being attacked (because the brain feels as though they are). This may include screaming, yelling insults and threats, and lashing out physically, punching, kicking, scratching, or even biting.
• The character may shout things they would never normally say, including threats, slurs, curse words, etc. Alternatively, they may beg for help, to go home, for their mother, etc.
• They may thrash around and/or stim in extreme ways, or in ways that are out of character for them. This can include self-harm: scratching or biting one’s skin or slamming one’s head against the wall or floor are not uncommon. This is an attempt to calm the nervous system.
• They may scream, whimper or cry because of the pain they’re in.
• They’ll probably have trouble thinking clearly or at all.

Throughout this experience, the person may feel physical pain as well as panic. Common descriptions include having bees in your head, feeling like your skin is trying to crawl off of you, feeling like your chest is trying to implode, or having nerve pain that shoots up and down your body.

In addition to panic, the person is quite likely to feel profound embarrassment and/or shame, especially once the meltdown is over and the person is calming down, and especially if it happened in public. They are often aware that what they are doing is irrational, and they know how awful they look while it’s happening, but they cannot control it in any way.

This is an important thing to note: Meltdowns cannot be controlled or stopped once they begin. They are not related to temper tantrums, which they are commonly mistaken for. A temper tantrum is someone behaving in an extreme way in order to get attention or to manipulate others into giving them what they want. A meltdown is in no way voluntary. It is more like a seizure: a neurological event which cannot be controlled or stopped (though it might be shortened in some situations, and can definitely be made worse).

If a character in your story sees the meltdown happen, there are ways to help, and there are ways to make it worse. If the person knows what is happening and what to do, they can help make the meltdown as short and painless as possible in the following ways:

• Do not attempt to talk to or touch the person melting down unless they have explicitly requested that you do so. Some people may find comfort in pressure, for example, and ask friends and family to give them bear hugs when they melt down, but this doesn’t work for everyone and will make some people worse.
• If the meltdown is caused by sensory overload, remove as many sources of sensory stimulation as possible. Turn off music (even quiet music, since the person may be extremely sensitive), turn off or dim lights, stop all conversations, etc. If they are able to walk, moving the person out of an overloading setting can be more feasible if the meltdown happens in a public place (supermarket…).
• If the meltdown is caused by stress, anxiety or emotional reasons, anything which can help reduce these can help shorten the meltdowns. What can and can’t help depends on the person. Asking someone how to behave if they ever have a meltdown in a moment when they’re NOT having one is a good thing to do, as they won’t be able to tell you when a meltdown has already begun.
• Give the person space and keep bystanders away. Ideally, create a situation where no one is looking at them (seeing eyes looking or staring can increase the sense of threat). Explain that they are fine, the situation is under control, and keep them from gawking. If police are around, explain if necessary that the person is autistic but that they will be fine in a few minutes, and that you are taking care of them. Make sure the person does not perceive any extra threats from people approaching them, which might result in a worsening meltdown and possibly even violence.
• Once they have calmed down and are ready to talk, don’t make a big deal out of it. Make it clear that you understand this is something beyond their control and that they have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed.
• If possible, give the person an escape route. Do not stand between them and the door. Make it clear that they can leave if they need to, and provide a safe space for them to be alone.

Naturally, such perfect “meltdown companions” rarely exist in most autistic people’s lives. Your average well-intentioned friend or family member, and certainly your average stranger, are likely to react in the following ways, and with the following results:

• Trying to calm the person down by approaching them, trying to soothe them with gentle touches, stroking their hair, rubbing their back, etc. Aside from the potential panic they might feel from being approached by someone (threat!) which can result in violent outbursts, physical contact and hearing someone’s voice can lead to increased overload which can worsen and prolong the meltdown.
• Trying to force the person to talk about what’s happening. Demanding that they explain what’s going on, asking lots of questions, wanting them to “talk it out”, or just rambling on about how they’re here to help and everything’s going to be okay, etc. Again, the noise can increase overload. Also, the person might be totally unable to process speech and be unable to understand what’s being said, in which case they just hear “I’m not leaving you alone! I demand that you accommodate my need to understand you!” and increase stress.
• Yell at the person for “throwing a tantrum” or “being dramatic”. It is extremely common for meltdowns to be misunderstood and mistaken for a willful tantrum. Verbal attacks like this will increase the sense of being threatened, worsen and prolong the meltdown, and might provoke violent behavior which the autistic person feels is self-defense.
• Block exits and prevent the person from running away. If allowed to leave the situation, a person experiencing a meltdown might be able to calm down fairly quickly, but when prevented, the threat level increases - instead of running, they are cornered, and have to resort to other methods to try to get the “threat” away.
• Making them the center of attention. The person melting down generally needs to be left alone. When everyone is looking at them, trying to “help” them or calm them down, even if all the people around have good intentions, it can make the situation far worse.

The amount of time a meltdown takes to pass depends greatly on the individual and the situation. They can pass in a minute or two, or they can last for upwards of an hour, especially if the person is forced to remain in the situation which triggered it. On average, they tend to end within 15-20 minutes. If left alone under ideal circumstances, they can be shortened dramatically.

When the person feels that the threat has passed and the brain has calmed itself down sufficiently, the meltdown can end. The character can gradually calm down and regain control of themselves. Aside from potentially feeling embarrassed and ashamed, they are also likely to feel exhausted, as meltdowns expend a lot of energy. Some people will even curl up wherever they are (under a table, inside the sofa, wherever) and immediately take a nap. Their cognitive functions (ability to think clearly) might take some time to go back to normal.

That’s all for meltdown. A masterpost about shutdowns will follow shortly, as well as some posts describing the mods’ personal experience with both type of reactions so you can have a concrete example. Happy writing! (Here we are, giving you more options to make your characters suffer. Do you really need that.)